She sobs quietly behind the closed bathroom door. Only the silence witnesses as tears furiously roll down her cheeks. She is breaking down again. Only this time it seems to hurt more. What has she done to deserve this?
She wipes away the hot tears on her face as more threaten to fall, prickling her eyes. She looks at the mirror and sees her reddening, swollen eyes. She touches her quivering lips, holding back the scream that would completely undo her.
Her gaze grows distant as she remembers her first husband dying. It was slow and yet quick at the same time. There wasn't enough time. He was a kind man, everyone loved him. But cancer ravaged their lives and took him away. It was God's will. She remembered Canada and moving her moving there. She just wanted to forget the pain. She tells herself she's moved on yet her voice still trembles when she talks about him. But she continues forward.
Her mind is forcibly brought back to the present as her breath hitches. Another sob is wrenched from her throat. She deserves to be happy now. She's worked so hard, she's given so much. She's lost too much. But as before, cancer is once again invading her life. She wants to be selfish. She doesn't deserve to lose a person she loves again.
She thinks back on the doctor's appointment. She vaguely remembers the medical charts and displays in the doctor's office. She could only focus on the doctor's concerned voice as he informs them that the tests say it is cancer. There is an inoperable tumor in the liver, further complicated by Hepatitis A. You have three months to two years to live. I'm sorry.
Yes, so is she. Sorry, that is. The appointment went downhill from there. She isn't ready for this. She's going to retire in a few years. How could she live knowing that she's losing to cancer again? There isn't enough time. What will happen to the plans? How will she handle this?
She hugs herself as if warding off breakdown. On the other side of the bathroom door is her husband. She doesn't want him to hear her crying for him, for them. She doesn't want him to know how much this is hurting her. She isn't the one whose life was given a sudden deadline. She isn't the one battling with the tumor. She isn't the one going to die in three months or two years from now. She's just the one that's going to be left alone. Again.
She doesn't hear the bathroom door open. She only feels the warmth embracing her, as arms wrap around her. She lowers her head on his shoulder as sobs wrack her body. She doesn't want to lose him. She can't see herself without him. They don't deserve this. He doesn't deserve this. It isn't fair. She continues to cry as they stand there in the brightly lit bathroom in each other's arms.
In her mind, various memories are playing through as though a film. They weren't expecting this. She only holds on to her husband tighter for comfort. She can only pray to God for a miracle. In this messed up situation, only a miracle can save him. Only a miracle can keep them together longer.
-You only wish this was fictional.
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