it hurts that you don't trust me. that you think so lowly of me. it hurts that you trap me in their shadows. it hurts that you don't know me. that it's not okay. it hurts that i'll always be mediocre. that i'll always be lacking. it hurts because you can hurt me. it hurts because i want to be spiteful but i'm not that person. it hurts that i can't tell you that i'm hurting. it hurts because you have the power to make me cry. how much more do you want me to bleed? how much more do you want me to break?
i just want to cut my bonds. to strengthen my defenses. to keep you out. all of you. i hate you. right now i hate you. but it hurts that i hate you because i love you. you make me bleed with your careless words. you break me down with your doubt. it hurts that i will always forgive you. that i will force myself to forget. just to make you happy.
what more do you want from me? i don't understand what you want me to do, to be. i hope you're freaking happy. because i'm not.
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