Cheers, Tito! This Miller Lite's for you.

I saw him last Tuesday. He was yellow and pale at the same time. He was frail, and thin. Yet I took comfort that he was laughing with the rest of us. He looked vulnerable when he cried as we prayed, yet he held himself strong. His quiet strength was still immanent.

I'll miss him. When I looked toward their bed I kept expecting him to open his eyes and smile. My eyes deceived me when I thought his eyes were fluttering, as if he were only asleep. "Any moment now," I thought to myself, half expecting he'll look up and see everyone praying around his bed.

I answered the ringing phone. She was crying on the other end; seeking comfort, asking for strength. "Wala na siya. Wala na ang Tito Ben mo. (He's gone. Your Uncle Ben is gone)." My dad wanted to pray, delaying it with hymns. I wanted no songs so I left and went ahead. I needed to comfort her crying, I needed to cry as she comforted me.

I didn't even notice that I was crying until I felt tears wet on my face. Odd, I never thought I'd cry. I wiped them as fast as they fell but I didn't bother trying when she hugged me tight. There was no point when she was crying herself. I finally prayed while we cried. I needed to calm down, I had no need for grief when that could come later.

"Restlessness is a the first sign of hypoxia." When you lack oxygen, you'll be restless. I remember writing that down on my Pathophysiology notes. He was restless yesterday, and he was already confused. He was talking of fish and labels. I didn't understand. Is what she said as she explained what they both went through. I nodded, I only understood the signs and symptoms.

I thank God I met him, for a brief moment that was a lifetime. It was a blessing and a pleasure to have known someone as humble and generous and loving. I can only be amazed that God created someone like Tito Ben, brought him to our family, and took Him back, with him in our hearts and memories. I thank God because he passed away surrounded by his family.

This is January 30th of my life. This is the day he passed away. Two days from her birthday and six from his. May God rest his soul.

Then and Now.

Cue for Change

Finally, after years of preparation, of grueling campaigns, of nervously yet hopefully viewing the election polls, and after a spectacular win, the President Elect is now finally sworn in and ready to set off. The 44th US President Barack Obama certainly has come a long way. His promise is Change, and his will is to lead America through downfalls and glorious moments, all in the name of change. And all the world before him is watching, waiting for him, as sets the world of change upon us. But as we wait for the change he will bring, it is also our cue to begin with the change this world desperately needs. For a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Touchdown to Championship

We had a home game today for the Arizona Cardinals against the Philadelphia Eagles. Of course, I rooted for the Cardinals!! They're treated so much like the underdogs since, well, they're not that much of a threat before. But they proved themselves today, winning against the Eagles 32 to 25. It was insane how they led the first two quarters, lost the third quarter when the Eagles caught up (13-0), but pushed forward in the last quarter after a fumble. Cardinals win!!! Woot! They're going to Super Bowl 43!!! This is the first time in the history of the Cardinals franchise. Go AZ! I'm so excited :)

P word for Stick Figures.

My lovely class schedule for Spring semester 2009. I'm neurotic when it comes to making diagrams and such. So as you can see, this schedule pleases me. And it gives me other P words in mind, like pressure, panic, paranoia, and possible plentiful pounds of painkillers. But I'll take it one day at at time, until I reach the peroration (another P word for conclusion). So wish me the best. Kat, fight-O!!

We're made of sterner stuff.

I know how belated this new year message is, but I hope that everyone is starting their new year right. Whether you have a resolution or not, or whether you do have a resolution and forgot already, I hope your year is still starting out better than last year.

My family's Christmas and New Year's celebration was quieter this year. Not because of the recession or because their were fewer relatives here in Arizona. I think it's because this year it wasn't because of the presents we gave and received, but because of the blessings we've received the previous year.

The previous year, I had an uncle who was diagnosed with liver cancer during the Christmas of 2007. Despite the prognosis that he only had six months left and despite how the tumor has progressed to his lungs, he is still with us this year. In 2008, I had an aunt who suffered a stroke, but despite the paralysis on some of her body, or how she can't use her hands, or her feet, or speak 'normally,' she is alive and undergoing rehabilitation currently. My sister's mother in law, was diagnosed with cancer in the colon. But with successful surgery, she is still able to enjoy her children and grandchildren. We have undergone a tumultuous year filled with people we love experiencing pain and disease, siblings going through demanding situations, and then there is the uncertainty of finances and future, and the nightmare of how everything is going wrong.

It may seem to us that there is no hope, that nothing else matters, that this is it. But life is suffered by everyone. No matter how it feels and seems that you're alone in your pain, and that no one else in the world understands what you're going through, despite breaking down in defeat and utter desperation, it's not the end, not yet. It's not through if you don't give up. Everyone of us has our crappy days, when all our demons rush in to devour us, when everything we do is wrong. It's okay to angst, and cry, and break down. But afterwards, get up, dry your face, and take a big breath. Exhale.

I'm not trying to belittle the problems, or the feelings of those who are facing problems. No, all I'm trying to say is, you're not alone, that no matter how life sucks for you, you are stronger, and braver, and smarter, but you'll never know unless you try and do something. I know that despite how I angst and huff and puff over my studies or my worries, as long as I don't give up, I'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with psyching your self up, there's nothing wrong in hoping for the better if hope is all you have left in your pockets. Hope is infectious.

If all else fails, if you only remember one thing from this post, I hope it's this: You can't get everything right. But you can't get everything wrong.

It's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes, problems, angst, and incurable diseases, are part of our lives that reveal who we truly are, what we're capable of, and what we're shaping to become. There's no shame in breaking down, but there is strength in getting up, brushing your knees, and moving forward.

something there that wasn't there before

I still remember the first time I saw Beauty and the Beast. It was movie night with my family; I was young and happily tomboyish. We watched it on the VCR (completely ancient now) and that was when I realized that despite my tomboyish attitude I was a romantic.

I reacted awed at Belle, wanting to have my own adventure too; equally disgusted with Gaston, and his drunkard minion. And then there was the Beast. The Beast was one part daunting and another part amazing. Daunting in the sense that he was a beast, easily could maul you apart, amazing in the part that he was human underneath all the fur.

What made me discover my being a romantic was not their love triangle. It certainly wasn't the part where Gaston proposed to, well, himself. Nor was it the part when Beast gets rid of Gaston once and for all. I cheered at that part though. But it was the part when Beast surprised Belle with a library. (A library, you say?)

Yes, a library. What's so romantic about books? It wasn't about the books. When Beast gave Belle a library it was like giving Belle love. Belle loved books. Her love for books was greater than the ridicule she faced daily from the villagers who thought she was different from them. Beast gave her the library because it would make Belle happy. I think loving is like that. It's giving or doing something for a person knowing that he or she would be happy about it, or that that person would love it. I'm not saying that we should go and give the people we love a library (thank you, though, if you give me one) but we should desire to make that person happy. Just go and love the person.

I'm equating the act of Beast giving Belle a library with love. Ridiculous? Maybe. But I'm a romantic remember? So in the meantime, while I sit here and listen to the soundtrack, I'll wait for my own library.