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There's so much beauty in this piece. For all my loved ones who battle cancer, and the rest of us who are right alongside them, you have so much strength, and you have our strength too.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
- Invictus, William Ernest Henley.

Cheers, Tito! This Miller Lite's for you.

I saw him last Tuesday. He was yellow and pale at the same time. He was frail, and thin. Yet I took comfort that he was laughing with the rest of us. He looked vulnerable when he cried as we prayed, yet he held himself strong. His quiet strength was still immanent.

I'll miss him. When I looked toward their bed I kept expecting him to open his eyes and smile. My eyes deceived me when I thought his eyes were fluttering, as if he were only asleep. "Any moment now," I thought to myself, half expecting he'll look up and see everyone praying around his bed.

I answered the ringing phone. She was crying on the other end; seeking comfort, asking for strength. "Wala na siya. Wala na ang Tito Ben mo. (He's gone. Your Uncle Ben is gone)." My dad wanted to pray, delaying it with hymns. I wanted no songs so I left and went ahead. I needed to comfort her crying, I needed to cry as she comforted me.

I didn't even notice that I was crying until I felt tears wet on my face. Odd, I never thought I'd cry. I wiped them as fast as they fell but I didn't bother trying when she hugged me tight. There was no point when she was crying herself. I finally prayed while we cried. I needed to calm down, I had no need for grief when that could come later.

"Restlessness is a the first sign of hypoxia." When you lack oxygen, you'll be restless. I remember writing that down on my Pathophysiology notes. He was restless yesterday, and he was already confused. He was talking of fish and labels. I didn't understand. Is what she said as she explained what they both went through. I nodded, I only understood the signs and symptoms.

I thank God I met him, for a brief moment that was a lifetime. It was a blessing and a pleasure to have known someone as humble and generous and loving. I can only be amazed that God created someone like Tito Ben, brought him to our family, and took Him back, with him in our hearts and memories. I thank God because he passed away surrounded by his family.

This is January 30th of my life. This is the day he passed away. Two days from her birthday and six from his. May God rest his soul.

Then and Now.