I do believe that I'm two months into my vacation, or what I usually call/shout for joy in my head as "Freeeedddooooommmm". Yes, exactly like that.
I've spent time in San Francisco to see relatives, and Yosemite, and well, a place other than Arizona. I've spent time in hospitals that had nothing to do with my clinicals but with people I personally know being there, and oh for an interview, followed by medical appointment to see if I'm TB-free or something, and an orientation for the volunteer work I applied for. I've been in other places, like the library fifteen minutes away by car, and restaurants and shops, and movie theaters, and other places, like the post office and the FedEx store, sometimes to apply for work and more often to simply be a patron. I've read books, some new, some old, some borrowed, and some bought. And then there were the days when I slept for hours and hours, and didn't the next day, and then took naps. I guess I've been having fun, no, no. I am having fun.
I'd have been in Canada to see my sister and my cousins, and their babies, but that wasn't what happened. Instead I'm currently in California, though not in daisy dukes or bikini tops. I don't have those in my luggage. And I'm not really here for vacation. I'm here to help my aunt around the house since she had a fracture on her leg and it's less painful to stay on the bed than on her feet. Although currently I'm more house-sitting than anything since she hasn't left the hospital since she got injured while working there.
Solitude wasn't really a problem until I ran out of books, could not get a decent Wi-Fi signal that didn't require a password, and couldn't use her car since I needed a remote for the community's gate to get back in. For days it was wake up, fix bed, bathroom, open computer, cook/eat, wash dishes, computer, cook/eat/dishes, throw trash out, and bathroom breaks in between. The first time I tried watching TV I just got sore, teary eyes. I wasn't used to watching TV for long hours since I started school. The radio was okay to tune into until it wasn't anymore. Oh, and the telephone rang all the time. Fun. My cellphone ran out of battery and the parentals brought my charger home since they thought it was their charger. This whole thing felt like being dumped in the Wonderland, but a silent and solitary type of Wonderland.
If I sound like I'm complaining, I'm not. Honestly, I'm more amused than any other emotion. I was reminded of being a high school student and alone in a house in a middle of a farm with a lone wooden bridge connecting it to the town that was in the middle of other small towns up north continents away from where I am now. I had no internet, no functioning computer, no telephone, barely a flicker of a cellphone signal, and barely a signal from the TV's satellite dish. I called it the Land of Nothingness. And it was fun. I could be alone with my books with no one to bother me whether I did the dishes or cooked a full meal.
I survived that and I'm surviving this because I find it fun to figure out ways to be resourceful, and in getting lost when I take walks, and figuring out how much weight I can carry when I walk back from the grocery store, and enjoying how much better cook I am, and how much obsessive I can be when I clean, and how vigilant I can be against spiders (HATE THEM), and ants (Admire them from outside the house), and just learning how to be okay with just being with myself again. I'm finding that I've grown so much more compared to when I was a high schooler, and that makes me smile. I hope five years from now, I can look back and still smile at the fact that I've grown wiser and better than when I was twenty-one.
Showing posts with label dorkiness is my disease. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dorkiness is my disease. Show all posts
July 11, 2010
November 14, 2009
Manliness is a sport.
Watched Manny Pacquiao's fight tonight against Miguel Cotto in my aunt's house across the street. Both guys were amazing! I loved how Manny smiled from the moment he walked to the ring to the moment he was saying his thanks to his supporters. I liked how he got me excited about the fight, even though I'm not a big fan of boxing, and I liked rooting for him. He was favored to win but there were doubts, and in the end it wasn't about winning or losing anymore, or who had a half-inch more in arm length, or who was faster, or even stronger. I admired Cotto's desire to last til the last round. 12 rounds of heavy beating does not sound fun, but Cotto stood up after every time he was knocked down, even after being bludgeoned and bloodied. Both of them had fighting spirit. Some people might say that there was a disadvantage of speed and strength, well of course there is; for everything there will always be someone lesser or greater.
Personally, I thought that it was a great match; I enjoyed how they both hang on, Manny for stepping up and showing that "Yes, I challenged you and I intend to prove to everyone that I deserve to win this title", and Cotto, for not backing down in all the twelve rounds even when it was going south for him. I thought that was a "I accept your challenge, let the best man win." Of course, I'm totally putting so much emotion (mushy stuff) in their fight when boxing is such a manly sport. I just admired both of them that I'm gushing over this, which is weird since I was yelling "Just punch him!!" and "No! Just stay still and get punched! Stop moving around" repeatedly earlier. My aunts were saying that we (my uncles, my tita, my lola, and my uncle's kids who were visiting) were a bunch of bloodthirsty people. I don't quite agree. Yeah, there's all that blood and violence, but it's more athleticism and skill, like any other game or sport out there. Although, I guess I'm a fan of more contact sports since I also like football. I think I like the rush of having people play together, be a team, and play a good game. And in boxing, well my dad used to box during his academy days, but more than that, I admire boxing since it is kind of vulnerable. I mean, the fact that a person has to put them self out there and say "Yeah, I can do this. I can defeat this person". You really have to be sure, you really have to train, and you really have to get hurt in order to claim, that yes, you did indeed prove yourself as a person and as a boxer. It's very emotional, I tell you. (Yeah, whatever, you're a total girl). What, I'm just happy, I'm allowed to be mushy when I'm happy, ok?
Personally, I thought that it was a great match; I enjoyed how they both hang on, Manny for stepping up and showing that "Yes, I challenged you and I intend to prove to everyone that I deserve to win this title", and Cotto, for not backing down in all the twelve rounds even when it was going south for him. I thought that was a "I accept your challenge, let the best man win." Of course, I'm totally putting so much emotion (mushy stuff) in their fight when boxing is such a manly sport. I just admired both of them that I'm gushing over this, which is weird since I was yelling "Just punch him!!" and "No! Just stay still and get punched! Stop moving around" repeatedly earlier. My aunts were saying that we (my uncles, my tita, my lola, and my uncle's kids who were visiting) were a bunch of bloodthirsty people. I don't quite agree. Yeah, there's all that blood and violence, but it's more athleticism and skill, like any other game or sport out there. Although, I guess I'm a fan of more contact sports since I also like football. I think I like the rush of having people play together, be a team, and play a good game. And in boxing, well my dad used to box during his academy days, but more than that, I admire boxing since it is kind of vulnerable. I mean, the fact that a person has to put them self out there and say "Yeah, I can do this. I can defeat this person". You really have to be sure, you really have to train, and you really have to get hurt in order to claim, that yes, you did indeed prove yourself as a person and as a boxer. It's very emotional, I tell you. (Yeah, whatever, you're a total girl). What, I'm just happy, I'm allowed to be mushy when I'm happy, ok?
November 02, 2009
It's a nightmare but it's one exciting ride
Okay, so I've been awake for about 30 plus hours now. Yes, I kid you not. If I probably close my eyes for more than a minute I would just immediately sleep and wake up tomorrow... whenever that is. You're probably asking what took me thirty hours to do that I haven't slept yet. Or probably, by now, you already know me better than asking that. Because there is no logical answer to that, or at least it wouldn't sound logical coming from me.
The long and short of it is that I just had way too much fun and put off my homework for later. And later, of course, translated to the whole night and morning just hours before Monday class. Don't ask me how I manage to get myself into these situations, all I know is that procrastination is a talent. Ugh. I spent the whole time, from 8 last night to 5.50 this morning, finishing my Drug Classification Worksheet; which was about 18 pages, about 60 plus drugs that I had to research. Normally, normal people do this bit by bit, little by little, over the course of several days. Oh, you know, those free days that you had last week. Which you just totally wasted, which just says so much about you. Have you ever felt that way? When you just want to bash yourself on the head with a book? A shovel? Obviously, I am again arguing with myself. But I pinkie swear that I will not procrastinate that much again. I learned my lesson and payed my penance. The fact that I finished that DCW was a miracle. But still, never again. That's so not fun and really not that safe for my sanity.
So as you imagine, I lack sleep on a regular basis, but that's cause I have a weird body rhythm. Being part owl, part bat, and part insomniac dog of our neighbor who doesn't stop barking. (Not that I bark, or anything). [Oh goodness, I am starting to make less sense]. Anyway, since I completely did not sleep this day, cooking breakfast was a bit of a hardship earlier. I was trying to make omelet, so I cracked six eggs, put them in a bowl, cut up some what do you call them... ah, mushrooms, put those in the bowl, turned on the stove, grabbed a frying pan, poured on some oil, and stared at the egg/mushrooms in the bowl. And stared. Because for some reason my brain, the poor thing, was broken; I forgot to beat the eggs... so they were still whole, with some chopped mushroom on top of them. Sigh. But I managed to cook my share and my mom's without further brain breakage.
I managed to drive to school without becoming a hazard. I got to my lectures without looking like the corpse bride. What made me feel somewhat better and somewhat appalled was the fact that most of my classmates were also sleep deprived. But anyway, lecture was good and great. I actually learned. Really. And now, I am back home. Yay.
On a completely obvious sign of changing the subject, my "job" interview with the B hospital last month actually payed off, and I got the scholarship from them. I totally owe that privilege to all those people who coached me for my interview; Princess, thanks for helping me decide what to actually wear. Momi, thanks for prodding me to submit my application on time, and for the advice of "Just pretend you're just talking over dinner". Sister, thanks for believing in me, kayang kaya nga. Papi, thanks for praying for me, and telling me that it's okay to take a minute to think of how to answer their questions. Kuya, thanks for telling me to just look them in the eye, and that a little flattery never hurts. Tita Bea, thanks for driving me to the hospital, and for assuring me that I would get in the program. To all those who prayed for me, thank you all so much. Now, that I am done with my acceptance speech, /cough/, I mean now that I'm done with my soapbox, I shall let you get back to your real life. I have officially been awake for 32 somewhat hours. Oh Katrina, go to sleep you silly girl.
*The title comes from 'The Mob Song', from Walt Disney's Beauty and the Beast's OST.
The long and short of it is that I just had way too much fun and put off my homework for later. And later, of course, translated to the whole night and morning just hours before Monday class. Don't ask me how I manage to get myself into these situations, all I know is that procrastination is a talent. Ugh. I spent the whole time, from 8 last night to 5.50 this morning, finishing my Drug Classification Worksheet; which was about 18 pages, about 60 plus drugs that I had to research. Normally, normal people do this bit by bit, little by little, over the course of several days. Oh, you know, those free days that you had last week. Which you just totally wasted, which just says so much about you. Have you ever felt that way? When you just want to bash yourself on the head with a book? A shovel? Obviously, I am again arguing with myself. But I pinkie swear that I will not procrastinate that much again. I learned my lesson and payed my penance. The fact that I finished that DCW was a miracle. But still, never again. That's so not fun and really not that safe for my sanity.
So as you imagine, I lack sleep on a regular basis, but that's cause I have a weird body rhythm. Being part owl, part bat, and part insomniac dog of our neighbor who doesn't stop barking. (Not that I bark, or anything). [Oh goodness, I am starting to make less sense]. Anyway, since I completely did not sleep this day, cooking breakfast was a bit of a hardship earlier. I was trying to make omelet, so I cracked six eggs, put them in a bowl, cut up some what do you call them... ah, mushrooms, put those in the bowl, turned on the stove, grabbed a frying pan, poured on some oil, and stared at the egg/mushrooms in the bowl. And stared. Because for some reason my brain, the poor thing, was broken; I forgot to beat the eggs... so they were still whole, with some chopped mushroom on top of them. Sigh. But I managed to cook my share and my mom's without further brain breakage.
I managed to drive to school without becoming a hazard. I got to my lectures without looking like the corpse bride. What made me feel somewhat better and somewhat appalled was the fact that most of my classmates were also sleep deprived. But anyway, lecture was good and great. I actually learned. Really. And now, I am back home. Yay.
On a completely obvious sign of changing the subject, my "job" interview with the B hospital last month actually payed off, and I got the scholarship from them. I totally owe that privilege to all those people who coached me for my interview; Princess, thanks for helping me decide what to actually wear. Momi, thanks for prodding me to submit my application on time, and for the advice of "Just pretend you're just talking over dinner". Sister, thanks for believing in me, kayang kaya nga. Papi, thanks for praying for me, and telling me that it's okay to take a minute to think of how to answer their questions. Kuya, thanks for telling me to just look them in the eye, and that a little flattery never hurts. Tita Bea, thanks for driving me to the hospital, and for assuring me that I would get in the program. To all those who prayed for me, thank you all so much. Now, that I am done with my acceptance speech, /cough/, I mean now that I'm done with my soapbox, I shall let you get back to your real life. I have officially been awake for 32 somewhat hours. Oh Katrina, go to sleep you silly girl.
*The title comes from 'The Mob Song', from Walt Disney's Beauty and the Beast's OST.
October 21, 2009
Relax, they haven't been holding out on you
Excerpts from Level One Traditional Nursing Students during the course of eight weeks.
Charlotte: What is that term -- lympado? lymphathy - what?
Kat: Lymphadenopathy?
Charlotte: Yeah, that.
Bryce: Why do we use medical terminology? I mean it's not like we go around saying this outside of class anyway.
Kat: Because we're in class right now? I mean, it's like being in Starbucks and saying you want a venti or a grande when you really just mean medium or large.
Charlotte: /laughs/ I like that.
Bryce: ... I guess.
Miranda: Are you okay? I just called since you looked so out of it in class today.
Kat: Hmm, no. I think I need to sleep. I'm just so blah right now. I can't, I don't even know what I'm doing right now.
Miranda: Then sleep. You can go back and do your paper after you get some rest.
Kat: Oh yeah, that paper... I haven't done that yet.
Miranda: It's easy, don't worry about it. Go to sleep, eat, relax, pray, okay?
Kat: Ok.
|She totally sounds like my sister. I just get bulldozed into submission when we talk. :D|
Charlotte: This sucks.
Miranda: What does?
Charlotte: There's no cute guys in our class.
Miranda: What are you talking about, we do.
Charlotte: Yeah, but they're all married or something. That doesn't really count.
Kat: /laughs/
Ms. S: /doing roll call/ Katrina T?
Prof. W: Oh, Joy, Katrina Joy. I know her. /looks at me, explains to the class/ She's so sweet, she writes Katrina Joy on all her papers.
Kat: ... But that's my full name...
Michelle: /text message/ Heyy, what do you have for our schedule in the 27th? I don't have anything written down on mine.
Kat: /looks at September calendar on the wall/ /texts back/ September 27 is a Sunday :D
Michelle: /reply/ Oh, just kidding then. LOL My bad.
Kat: /looks at the hand outs for the case study/... So, we have the general survey, and the info on the percussion of the heart and the lungs. It looks like it's a respiratory problem, not a heart problem.
Prof. W: /stares/ ...
Kat: So, what we need is more observational information, so we'll know how she is really doing.
Prof. W: Okay. Just think of what you are looking for when you make a diagnosis. /walks away/
Kat: /breathes in deep and exhales/ Wah.
Bryce: /returns to our table/ So what did I miss?
Kat: Oh nothing, just me pretending to know what I was talking about when I really have no idea.
Michelle: Aw, but you sounded like you really knew this.
Kat: Well, apparently I'm good at BS then.
Ms. J: Are you guys okay? You're all giving me this weird look. I'm worried.
Class: No, we're good. We're just...yeah, we're good. (Suffice to say, we were talking about bowels and stuff).
Ms. W: /knocks and comes in the room/ J, I just need to ask you where the rest of the PAM is, we need some.
Matt: /mutters/ Oh, I have some in my backpack. /laughs with Bryce/
Ms. W & Ms. J: ... /looks at Matt/
Class: ...
Matt: I'm just kidding. /laughs/
Ms. W: That's what I thought, I didn't catch that for a moment.
Class: /laughs/
Ms. J: Matt, you need a time out. /laughs/
|PAM is a type of cooking oil that you spray on Teflon pans. We use it on the mannequins in lab, go figure.|
Kat: Do you want some? /offers Strawberry Pocky/
Will: What's that?
Kat: It's like some strawberry wafer stick. It's yummy.
Will: You always bring treats. /laughs/ I should call you 'Treats'. /takes a Pocky stick/ Thanks, Treats.
Charlotte: How do you spell 'mannequin'?
Kat: M-a-n-n-e-q-u-i-n.
Charlotte: Thanks.
Will: Sorry, my brain's not working. How do you write 'gynecomastia' again?
Kat: G-y-n-e-c-o-m-a-s-t-i-a.
Will: Thanks. For some reason I'm really crappy at spelling.
Charlotte: Me too. That's why I have Kat to do all the spelling for me.
Kat: Thanks, I knew there was a reason you're so nice to me.
Charlotte: How ever did you guess.
Bryce: Do I need to lift my shirt up for this assessment?
Kat: This is a Christian school, I don't think they condone nudity. So keep your shirt on. This is strictly G-rated.
Bryce: /laughs/ Oh shut up.
Will: I just can't believe how stressful things are right now.
Katlyn: I know, we have so much stuff to do and there's no time for anything else.
Will: And on top of that, I eat just really bad now. I think I'm gaining weight too.
Charlotte & Katlyn: What?
Will: Yeah, it's like I'm just so depressed that I just eat whatever. It's so sad. I just want to cry right now.
Katlyn: Aw.
Charlotte: Are you getting Freshman Fifteen, or something?
Will: Exactly! It's only now after years of college that I'm getting fat.
Katlyn: That's awful.
|Freshman Fifteen is when freshmen students gain fifteen pounds once they start college because of all the junk food, partying and stuff that happens 'cause they're free from parental supervision|
Dr. J: Okay, who wants to pray? /before taking our test/
Girls: /raise their hands/ ... Oh, oh no. We don't. I mean we do. But we want you to pray. Not us.
Class: /laughs/
Dr. J: Okay, then.
Matt: Darn it. I can't do this. /leans back on chair and stares down at his notes/
Gina: What's wrong?
Matt: It's stupid. I've got that song by 'Our Lady Peace' stuck in my head. /sings/ "I know you're out there, somewhere out there."
Gina, Kim & Kat: /laughs/
Matt: No, seriously. It's driving me crazy. "You're falling out of reach, defying gravity. I know you're out there somewhere out there."
Kim: Don't you dare. You don't want 'Single Ladies' to get stuck in your head.
Gina: What is?
Kim: You know, "Well, if you liked it then you should have put the ring on it."
Gina: Ugh. No. Now I have Beyonce singing in my head, along with the stupid music video.
Kat: /laughs/ We'll all be dancing during our test later.
Gina: Ugh. Thanks a lot, Kim.
Kim: Sorry.
Miranda: What is?
Kat: Oh, we've all got 'Single Ladies' stuck in our brain, complete with the leotards and the high heels, thanks to Kim.
Miranda: /sings/ Aw, uh-oh, uh-oh, Aw, uh-oh. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...
Kat, Gina & Kim: /snickers/
Miranda: /five minutes later/ Ugh. Now it's in my head. Thanks a lot you guys.
Kat: /laughs/
So, do you have her stuck in your head now too? :D
Charlotte: What is that term -- lympado? lymphathy - what?
Kat: Lymphadenopathy?
Charlotte: Yeah, that.
Bryce: Why do we use medical terminology? I mean it's not like we go around saying this outside of class anyway.
Kat: Because we're in class right now? I mean, it's like being in Starbucks and saying you want a venti or a grande when you really just mean medium or large.
Charlotte: /laughs/ I like that.
Bryce: ... I guess.
Miranda: Are you okay? I just called since you looked so out of it in class today.
Kat: Hmm, no. I think I need to sleep. I'm just so blah right now. I can't, I don't even know what I'm doing right now.
Miranda: Then sleep. You can go back and do your paper after you get some rest.
Kat: Oh yeah, that paper... I haven't done that yet.
Miranda: It's easy, don't worry about it. Go to sleep, eat, relax, pray, okay?
Kat: Ok.
|She totally sounds like my sister. I just get bulldozed into submission when we talk. :D|
Charlotte: This sucks.
Miranda: What does?
Charlotte: There's no cute guys in our class.
Miranda: What are you talking about, we do.
Charlotte: Yeah, but they're all married or something. That doesn't really count.
Kat: /laughs/
Ms. S: /doing roll call/ Katrina T?
Prof. W: Oh, Joy, Katrina Joy. I know her. /looks at me, explains to the class/ She's so sweet, she writes Katrina Joy on all her papers.
Kat: ... But that's my full name...
Michelle: /text message/ Heyy, what do you have for our schedule in the 27th? I don't have anything written down on mine.
Kat: /looks at September calendar on the wall/ /texts back/ September 27 is a Sunday :D
Michelle: /reply/ Oh, just kidding then. LOL My bad.
Kat: /looks at the hand outs for the case study/... So, we have the general survey, and the info on the percussion of the heart and the lungs. It looks like it's a respiratory problem, not a heart problem.
Prof. W: /stares/ ...
Kat: So, what we need is more observational information, so we'll know how she is really doing.
Prof. W: Okay. Just think of what you are looking for when you make a diagnosis. /walks away/
Kat: /breathes in deep and exhales/ Wah.
Bryce: /returns to our table/ So what did I miss?
Kat: Oh nothing, just me pretending to know what I was talking about when I really have no idea.
Michelle: Aw, but you sounded like you really knew this.
Kat: Well, apparently I'm good at BS then.
Ms. J: Are you guys okay? You're all giving me this weird look. I'm worried.
Class: No, we're good. We're just...yeah, we're good. (Suffice to say, we were talking about bowels and stuff).
Ms. W: /knocks and comes in the room/ J, I just need to ask you where the rest of the PAM is, we need some.
Matt: /mutters/ Oh, I have some in my backpack. /laughs with Bryce/
Ms. W & Ms. J: ... /looks at Matt/
Class: ...
Matt: I'm just kidding. /laughs/
Ms. W: That's what I thought, I didn't catch that for a moment.
Class: /laughs/
Ms. J: Matt, you need a time out. /laughs/
|PAM is a type of cooking oil that you spray on Teflon pans. We use it on the mannequins in lab, go figure.|
Kat: Do you want some? /offers Strawberry Pocky/
Will: What's that?
Kat: It's like some strawberry wafer stick. It's yummy.
Will: You always bring treats. /laughs/ I should call you 'Treats'. /takes a Pocky stick/ Thanks, Treats.
Charlotte: How do you spell 'mannequin'?
Kat: M-a-n-n-e-q-u-i-n.
Charlotte: Thanks.
Will: Sorry, my brain's not working. How do you write 'gynecomastia' again?
Kat: G-y-n-e-c-o-m-a-s-t-i-a.
Will: Thanks. For some reason I'm really crappy at spelling.
Charlotte: Me too. That's why I have Kat to do all the spelling for me.
Kat: Thanks, I knew there was a reason you're so nice to me.
Charlotte: How ever did you guess.
Bryce: Do I need to lift my shirt up for this assessment?
Kat: This is a Christian school, I don't think they condone nudity. So keep your shirt on. This is strictly G-rated.
Bryce: /laughs/ Oh shut up.
Will: I just can't believe how stressful things are right now.
Katlyn: I know, we have so much stuff to do and there's no time for anything else.
Will: And on top of that, I eat just really bad now. I think I'm gaining weight too.
Charlotte & Katlyn: What?
Will: Yeah, it's like I'm just so depressed that I just eat whatever. It's so sad. I just want to cry right now.
Katlyn: Aw.
Charlotte: Are you getting Freshman Fifteen, or something?
Will: Exactly! It's only now after years of college that I'm getting fat.
Katlyn: That's awful.
|Freshman Fifteen is when freshmen students gain fifteen pounds once they start college because of all the junk food, partying and stuff that happens 'cause they're free from parental supervision|
Dr. J: Okay, who wants to pray? /before taking our test/
Girls: /raise their hands/ ... Oh, oh no. We don't. I mean we do. But we want you to pray. Not us.
Class: /laughs/
Dr. J: Okay, then.
Matt: Darn it. I can't do this. /leans back on chair and stares down at his notes/
Gina: What's wrong?
Matt: It's stupid. I've got that song by 'Our Lady Peace' stuck in my head. /sings/ "I know you're out there, somewhere out there."
Gina, Kim & Kat: /laughs/
Matt: No, seriously. It's driving me crazy. "You're falling out of reach, defying gravity. I know you're out there somewhere out there."
Kim: Don't you dare. You don't want 'Single Ladies' to get stuck in your head.
Gina: What is?
Kim: You know, "Well, if you liked it then you should have put the ring on it."
Gina: Ugh. No. Now I have Beyonce singing in my head, along with the stupid music video.
Kat: /laughs/ We'll all be dancing during our test later.
Gina: Ugh. Thanks a lot, Kim.
Kim: Sorry.
Miranda: What is?
Kat: Oh, we've all got 'Single Ladies' stuck in our brain, complete with the leotards and the high heels, thanks to Kim.
Miranda: /sings/ Aw, uh-oh, uh-oh, Aw, uh-oh. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...
Kat, Gina & Kim: /snickers/
Miranda: /five minutes later/ Ugh. Now it's in my head. Thanks a lot you guys.
Kat: /laughs/
So, do you have her stuck in your head now too? :D
July 20, 2009
My life on a shuffled fast track
I felt like being silly today. So a meme for you people. :)
RULES
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
*Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned songs or lyrics. I am not doing this for profit.
Are you male or female?
+ Pagbabalik by Asin
Bayan ko, nahan ka. Ako ngayo'y nag-iisa
Nais ko magbalik, sa iyo Bayan ko
Kung ako’y nagkamali sa landas na aking tinahak
- I am asexual apparently. I am a country. Heh.
Describe yourself.
+ Wedding March by Felix Mendelssohn
This is instrumental. It’s happy, funky, and familiar. /cough/
What do people feel when they're around you?
+ Goodbye Skyline by Danger Is My Middle Name
The darkness is disrupted by a whisper softer than a breeze and oh so tender like tender busted lips,
I'm laughing at those quips, I'm so damn happy why am I in pain?
The darkness is dispersed beneath the moonlight, pale as your skin and oh so bright.
Strike my heart with stakes or burn me up in flames, I'm waiting for someone to put them out.
Goodbye skyline, I'll be just fine.
–This sounds like a sadistic/masochistic relationship. Huh.
Describe your current relationship.
+ Anna by Top Suzara
I long to tell you
How much I need you
If I could find the words to say
I’d never have to feel this way
Not knowin’ just what to do when I’m with you
- Apparently being single gives me narcissistic tendencies.
Where would you like to be now?
+ For What It’s Worth by Amber Pacific
We missed our chance
I won't forget
As time will only tell where to go
How do you feel about love?
+ I’ve Got You Under My Skin by Patrick Ki
Another instrumental. It’s mellow and for all the percussion instruments sounds wispy. Erm, yeah.
What's your life like?
+ Mistakes We Knew We Were Making by Straylight Run
We'll get over it
Sad, strong, safe and sober
We'll move forward
And know where we went wrong
But you can't go home again
- Bleak, it seems.
What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
+ Caruso by Russell Watson
I love you so much
I really love you, so much
now it's a tie that melts the blood inside the veins, you know
- Love,so much of it. Apparently.
Say something wise.
+ Love On The Rocks by Sara Bareilles
You love the chase but hate me for the runaround
We both just tired of the whole thing.
You tell me what you want you need you know you have to have
And I just pretend I'm listening
- Um. Whut?
If someone says "Is this ok?" you say:
+ One (Blake’s Got A New Face) by Vampire Weekend
Oh, your collegiate grief
Has left you dowdy in sweatshirts
Absolute Horror
- Exactly.
How would you describe yourself?
+ Divertimento No. 1 in B flat major by Joseph Haydn
A classical piece. Again, mellow, almost like a song.
What do you like in a guy/girl?
+ Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Lay off
Don’t stray
Well, my kind's, your kind
I’ll stay the same!
- Fidelity?
How do you feel today?
+ Venus by Frankie Avalon
Venus, if you will
Please send a little girl for me to thrill
A girl who wants my kisses and my arms
A girl with all the charms of you
- I'm channeling Katy Perry looks like it.
What's the purpose of your life?
+ Hit the Heartbreaks by Black Kids
Oh, boo, what can I do?
It's not me, yeah, it's you
You've been hittin' the heartbrakes hard.
- I’m still debating whether I’m the one saying that or the one being told.
What is your motto?
+ Beautiful by Kari Jobe
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden,
everything that's of myself
- That sounds about right.
What do your friends think of you?
+ The One I Love by Sufjan Stevens
This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I left behind
A simple thought to occupy my mind
This one goes out to the one I love
- Uh. They liiiike me.
What do you think of your parents?
+ You Make Me Feel Brand New by Simply Red
Only you
Came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love
God bless you
- My parents. The make me feel brand new. :)
What do you think about very often?
+ Just You and Me by Zee Avi
We can build our own little world
where no one else can come through
We can live in huts made out of grass
we can greet father time as he walks pass
we can press our feet into the dirt
a little mud, no, it wouldn't hurt
- Ah travel, vacation, mud. What more do I need to think of?
What is 2+2?
+ If by Bread.
The answer is philosophical then.
What do you think of your best friend?
+ Kabilugan Ng Buwan by Drip
Kapanahunan na naman
Ng paglalambingan
At kasama kitang mamasyal
Sa kung saan
Kabilugan ng buwan
At ang hangin ay may kalamigan
Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag
What do you think of the person you like?
+ Nothing Sacred by Russel Watson
If we can say goodbye
Is nothing sacred anymore?
- A bit presumptuous, Kat.
What's your life story?
+ Itoshii Hito by Miyavi
My beloved
It's not "I could die for you," but rather,
I've decided "I'll live for you"
- I choose life.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
+ She Wore Velvet by Bobby Vinton
She wore blue velvet
Bluer than velvet was the night
Softer than satin was the light
From the stars
- Pfft. Yes, my life’s dream.
What will you dance to at your wedding?
+ Dancing When the Stars Go Blue by Tim McGraw
Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown
- That sounds apt. Ironically.
What will they play at your funeral?
+ Last Song by Gackt
The continually falling sadness
Changes into pure white snow
Through it all, I raised my head to the sky
Before this body disappears now, if my wish reaches you
Please hold me tight just once more
Even if I disappear along with this white snow
I want to always bloom in your heart
- Again, apt.
What's your hobby?
+ The Hat by Ingrid Michaelson
I knitted you a hat all blue and gold
To keep your ears warm from the Binghamton cold
It was my first one and it was too small
It didn't fit you at all, but you wore it just the same
- Knitting. Always wanted to try it. Sounds fun.
What's your biggest secret?
+ I’m Making Eyes At You by Black Kids
Oh please don't, please don't speak
You'll kill the mystique
Oh baby let's not, let's not dance
We'll ruin our chances
Oh, in between the drinks
I can't help but think that
Even as we speak
We kill the mystique
- I secretly don’t know how to dance. HAHAHAHA
RULES
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
*Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned songs or lyrics. I am not doing this for profit.
Are you male or female?
+ Pagbabalik by Asin
Bayan ko, nahan ka. Ako ngayo'y nag-iisa
Nais ko magbalik, sa iyo Bayan ko
Kung ako’y nagkamali sa landas na aking tinahak
- I am asexual apparently. I am a country. Heh.
Describe yourself.
+ Wedding March by Felix Mendelssohn
This is instrumental. It’s happy, funky, and familiar. /cough/
What do people feel when they're around you?
+ Goodbye Skyline by Danger Is My Middle Name
The darkness is disrupted by a whisper softer than a breeze and oh so tender like tender busted lips,
I'm laughing at those quips, I'm so damn happy why am I in pain?
The darkness is dispersed beneath the moonlight, pale as your skin and oh so bright.
Strike my heart with stakes or burn me up in flames, I'm waiting for someone to put them out.
Goodbye skyline, I'll be just fine.
–This sounds like a sadistic/masochistic relationship. Huh.
Describe your current relationship.
+ Anna by Top Suzara
I long to tell you
How much I need you
If I could find the words to say
I’d never have to feel this way
Not knowin’ just what to do when I’m with you
- Apparently being single gives me narcissistic tendencies.
Where would you like to be now?
+ For What It’s Worth by Amber Pacific
We missed our chance
I won't forget
As time will only tell where to go
How do you feel about love?
+ I’ve Got You Under My Skin by Patrick Ki
Another instrumental. It’s mellow and for all the percussion instruments sounds wispy. Erm, yeah.
What's your life like?
+ Mistakes We Knew We Were Making by Straylight Run
We'll get over it
Sad, strong, safe and sober
We'll move forward
And know where we went wrong
But you can't go home again
- Bleak, it seems.
What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
+ Caruso by Russell Watson
I love you so much
I really love you, so much
now it's a tie that melts the blood inside the veins, you know
- Love,so much of it. Apparently.
Say something wise.
+ Love On The Rocks by Sara Bareilles
You love the chase but hate me for the runaround
We both just tired of the whole thing.
You tell me what you want you need you know you have to have
And I just pretend I'm listening
- Um. Whut?
If someone says "Is this ok?" you say:
+ One (Blake’s Got A New Face) by Vampire Weekend
Oh, your collegiate grief
Has left you dowdy in sweatshirts
Absolute Horror
- Exactly.
How would you describe yourself?
+ Divertimento No. 1 in B flat major by Joseph Haydn
A classical piece. Again, mellow, almost like a song.
What do you like in a guy/girl?
+ Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Lay off
Don’t stray
Well, my kind's, your kind
I’ll stay the same!
- Fidelity?
How do you feel today?
+ Venus by Frankie Avalon
Venus, if you will
Please send a little girl for me to thrill
A girl who wants my kisses and my arms
A girl with all the charms of you
- I'm channeling Katy Perry looks like it.
What's the purpose of your life?
+ Hit the Heartbreaks by Black Kids
Oh, boo, what can I do?
It's not me, yeah, it's you
You've been hittin' the heartbrakes hard.
- I’m still debating whether I’m the one saying that or the one being told.
What is your motto?
+ Beautiful by Kari Jobe
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden,
everything that's of myself
- That sounds about right.
What do your friends think of you?
+ The One I Love by Sufjan Stevens
This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I left behind
A simple thought to occupy my mind
This one goes out to the one I love
- Uh. They liiiike me.
What do you think of your parents?
+ You Make Me Feel Brand New by Simply Red
Only you
Came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love
God bless you
- My parents. The make me feel brand new. :)
What do you think about very often?
+ Just You and Me by Zee Avi
We can build our own little world
where no one else can come through
We can live in huts made out of grass
we can greet father time as he walks pass
we can press our feet into the dirt
a little mud, no, it wouldn't hurt
- Ah travel, vacation, mud. What more do I need to think of?
What is 2+2?
+ If by Bread.
The answer is philosophical then.
What do you think of your best friend?
+ Kabilugan Ng Buwan by Drip
Kapanahunan na naman
Ng paglalambingan
At kasama kitang mamasyal
Sa kung saan
Kabilugan ng buwan
At ang hangin ay may kalamigan
Aakapin kita mahal ko
Sa buong magdamag
What do you think of the person you like?
+ Nothing Sacred by Russel Watson
If we can say goodbye
Is nothing sacred anymore?
- A bit presumptuous, Kat.
What's your life story?
+ Itoshii Hito by Miyavi
My beloved
It's not "I could die for you," but rather,
I've decided "I'll live for you"
- I choose life.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
+ She Wore Velvet by Bobby Vinton
She wore blue velvet
Bluer than velvet was the night
Softer than satin was the light
From the stars
- Pfft. Yes, my life’s dream.
What will you dance to at your wedding?
+ Dancing When the Stars Go Blue by Tim McGraw
Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown
- That sounds apt. Ironically.
What will they play at your funeral?
+ Last Song by Gackt
The continually falling sadness
Changes into pure white snow
Through it all, I raised my head to the sky
Before this body disappears now, if my wish reaches you
Please hold me tight just once more
Even if I disappear along with this white snow
I want to always bloom in your heart
- Again, apt.
What's your hobby?
+ The Hat by Ingrid Michaelson
I knitted you a hat all blue and gold
To keep your ears warm from the Binghamton cold
It was my first one and it was too small
It didn't fit you at all, but you wore it just the same
- Knitting. Always wanted to try it. Sounds fun.
What's your biggest secret?
+ I’m Making Eyes At You by Black Kids
Oh please don't, please don't speak
You'll kill the mystique
Oh baby let's not, let's not dance
We'll ruin our chances
Oh, in between the drinks
I can't help but think that
Even as we speak
We kill the mystique
- I secretly don’t know how to dance. HAHAHAHA
March 16, 2009
Playing Hooky...
I finally get a break, in a form of the academic Spring Break. I feel ambivalent though since I'm still thinking of the many things I need to do, like my Utopia outline, my Statistics homework, my Pathophysiology case studies and notes, and my World Religion worksheets, and oh, start my research for my Health Care Ethics presentation. It's not really a break, I say, when my brain is still working and fried. But beggars can't be choosers, I certainly am appreciative of the break of driving 34 miles everyday, of waking up before my alarm does, and of struggling with a parking space, and not to mention the familiarity of facing some of my zany professors. Yup, I am totally happy right now even with the workload.
I've been back to college for three months now. I've been handling the stress pretty well (are you sure?!) considering the fact that I have a full load. Famous last words, Kat (cue evil, maniacal laughter). The only thing more stressful than class requirements are people. I have met the most awesome, weirdest, world-record breaking, insane, dumb-founding, and memorable people this semester. Take my Patho professor, I've been complaining about her all semester. Maybe it's because she doesn't have PowerPoint or it could be the fact that she has time to have manicures twice a week but no time to change the erroneous exams she gives us. But it could just be the fact that people who took her last semester absolutely adore her, but I'm still waiting for that person to come to class. Mondays and Wednesdays are devoted to complaints against her. Maybe it's my pride that's bruised for getting Bs in her exams and not As.
And then there's my classmate in Patho, B. She's fifteen years my senior, one of the smartest persons I know, and one of the most interesting. It could be because she has experienced most of the diseases we've covered in class: Hemolytic anemia of the newborn, Jaundiced at birth, Constantly low blood pressure even with medication, hypovolemic shock, congenital heart problems, anaphylactic shock, and oh, she's allergic to 80% of the medication out there. That's what I call phenomenal. But it could also be because she's on counseling right now because her husband is a jerk. Case in point when he let their health insurance lapse, and when he constantly goes hiking when he should be job hunting, and when he should at least wash the dishes since he's the one at home. Makes me want to stay the heck away from marriage. Whatever the reason I find her fascinating we get along famously. Thick as thieves, as Lemony Snicket would say.
Another professor, my Buddhist World Religions teacher, makes me laugh. It could be because of the fact that she keeps saying she's a double capricorn and won't grow up, whatever that means. Or the fact that she disses all religions, even hers, but especially mine. Or maybe it's because she owns tons of cats, has myasthenia gravis, and keeps saying "I'm not ready for this" when it comes to our exams. She certainly is quirky, you have to admit a person who's willing to sabotage their jury duty is something.
Then there's Maria, of the Filipino-French-Vietnamese parentage. She's divorced, loves dancing, and is usually late for class. She's divorced because her ex-husband was pre-meditatively killing her. Isn't that obvious when your spouse lists down a number of ways to make you angry when he knows you have a heart problem, and then conveniently says, "I love you" afterwards in an attempt to soothe you? Or it could be the way he conveniently leaves a "Dear John" letter for her in his bag and dismissing it as "nothing." But then later you change jobs, change cellphone numbers, and refuse to leave a forwarding address. Charming.
There's tons more of people that make my list. And in their own way, make me laugh, cringe, gape in shock, roll my eyes, and just about see life in their eyes. Why the list? Well, they make me realize that everyone is a small person in the universe. All of us have our own little worlds but it all comes down to the fact that everyone living has stress, crappy spouses, insane professors, cats, and mounds of homework. It humbles me that I am not alone in my misery but with other people I can be free to laugh, cry, scream in frustration, and live.
So I'm playing hooky, with the knowledge that it's okay to just be sometimes.
I've been back to college for three months now. I've been handling the stress pretty well (are you sure?!) considering the fact that I have a full load. Famous last words, Kat (cue evil, maniacal laughter). The only thing more stressful than class requirements are people. I have met the most awesome, weirdest, world-record breaking, insane, dumb-founding, and memorable people this semester. Take my Patho professor, I've been complaining about her all semester. Maybe it's because she doesn't have PowerPoint or it could be the fact that she has time to have manicures twice a week but no time to change the erroneous exams she gives us. But it could just be the fact that people who took her last semester absolutely adore her, but I'm still waiting for that person to come to class. Mondays and Wednesdays are devoted to complaints against her. Maybe it's my pride that's bruised for getting Bs in her exams and not As.
And then there's my classmate in Patho, B. She's fifteen years my senior, one of the smartest persons I know, and one of the most interesting. It could be because she has experienced most of the diseases we've covered in class: Hemolytic anemia of the newborn, Jaundiced at birth, Constantly low blood pressure even with medication, hypovolemic shock, congenital heart problems, anaphylactic shock, and oh, she's allergic to 80% of the medication out there. That's what I call phenomenal. But it could also be because she's on counseling right now because her husband is a jerk. Case in point when he let their health insurance lapse, and when he constantly goes hiking when he should be job hunting, and when he should at least wash the dishes since he's the one at home. Makes me want to stay the heck away from marriage. Whatever the reason I find her fascinating we get along famously. Thick as thieves, as Lemony Snicket would say.
Another professor, my Buddhist World Religions teacher, makes me laugh. It could be because of the fact that she keeps saying she's a double capricorn and won't grow up, whatever that means. Or the fact that she disses all religions, even hers, but especially mine. Or maybe it's because she owns tons of cats, has myasthenia gravis, and keeps saying "I'm not ready for this" when it comes to our exams. She certainly is quirky, you have to admit a person who's willing to sabotage their jury duty is something.
Then there's Maria, of the Filipino-French-Vietnamese parentage. She's divorced, loves dancing, and is usually late for class. She's divorced because her ex-husband was pre-meditatively killing her. Isn't that obvious when your spouse lists down a number of ways to make you angry when he knows you have a heart problem, and then conveniently says, "I love you" afterwards in an attempt to soothe you? Or it could be the way he conveniently leaves a "Dear John" letter for her in his bag and dismissing it as "nothing." But then later you change jobs, change cellphone numbers, and refuse to leave a forwarding address. Charming.
There's tons more of people that make my list. And in their own way, make me laugh, cringe, gape in shock, roll my eyes, and just about see life in their eyes. Why the list? Well, they make me realize that everyone is a small person in the universe. All of us have our own little worlds but it all comes down to the fact that everyone living has stress, crappy spouses, insane professors, cats, and mounds of homework. It humbles me that I am not alone in my misery but with other people I can be free to laugh, cry, scream in frustration, and live.
So I'm playing hooky, with the knowledge that it's okay to just be sometimes.
January 18, 2009
Touchdown to Championship
We had a home game today for the Arizona Cardinals against the Philadelphia Eagles. Of course, I rooted for the Cardinals!! They're treated so much like the underdogs since, well, they're not that much of a threat before. But they proved themselves today, winning against the Eagles 32 to 25. It was insane how they led the first two quarters, lost the third quarter when the Eagles caught up (13-0), but pushed forward in the last quarter after a fumble. Cardinals win!!! Woot! They're going to Super Bowl 43!!! This is the first time in the history of the Cardinals franchise. Go AZ! I'm so excited :)
January 05, 2009
something there that wasn't there before
I still remember the first time I saw Beauty and the Beast. It was movie night with my family; I was young and happily tomboyish. We watched it on the VCR (completely ancient now) and that was when I realized that despite my tomboyish attitude I was a romantic.
I reacted awed at Belle, wanting to have my own adventure too; equally disgusted with Gaston, and his drunkard minion. And then there was the Beast. The Beast was one part daunting and another part amazing. Daunting in the sense that he was a beast, easily could maul you apart, amazing in the part that he was human underneath all the fur.
What made me discover my being a romantic was not their love triangle. It certainly wasn't the part where Gaston proposed to, well, himself. Nor was it the part when Beast gets rid of Gaston once and for all. I cheered at that part though. But it was the part when Beast surprised Belle with a library. (A library, you say?)
Yes, a library. What's so romantic about books? It wasn't about the books. When Beast gave Belle a library it was like giving Belle love. Belle loved books. Her love for books was greater than the ridicule she faced daily from the villagers who thought she was different from them. Beast gave her the library because it would make Belle happy. I think loving is like that. It's giving or doing something for a person knowing that he or she would be happy about it, or that that person would love it. I'm not saying that we should go and give the people we love a library (thank you, though, if you give me one) but we should desire to make that person happy. Just go and love the person.
I'm equating the act of Beast giving Belle a library with love. Ridiculous? Maybe. But I'm a romantic remember? So in the meantime, while I sit here and listen to the soundtrack, I'll wait for my own library.
I reacted awed at Belle, wanting to have my own adventure too; equally disgusted with Gaston, and his drunkard minion. And then there was the Beast. The Beast was one part daunting and another part amazing. Daunting in the sense that he was a beast, easily could maul you apart, amazing in the part that he was human underneath all the fur.
What made me discover my being a romantic was not their love triangle. It certainly wasn't the part where Gaston proposed to, well, himself. Nor was it the part when Beast gets rid of Gaston once and for all. I cheered at that part though. But it was the part when Beast surprised Belle with a library. (A library, you say?)
Yes, a library. What's so romantic about books? It wasn't about the books. When Beast gave Belle a library it was like giving Belle love. Belle loved books. Her love for books was greater than the ridicule she faced daily from the villagers who thought she was different from them. Beast gave her the library because it would make Belle happy. I think loving is like that. It's giving or doing something for a person knowing that he or she would be happy about it, or that that person would love it. I'm not saying that we should go and give the people we love a library (thank you, though, if you give me one) but we should desire to make that person happy. Just go and love the person.
I'm equating the act of Beast giving Belle a library with love. Ridiculous? Maybe. But I'm a romantic remember? So in the meantime, while I sit here and listen to the soundtrack, I'll wait for my own library.
November 05, 2008
i'm obviously bored but interested.
This is what I was doing earlier after hours of just browsing art pieces in deviantArt. I don't normally do these kind of things. I am such a bum. But oh well.
Your result for What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test...
Non-conformist, Visionary, and Independent
16 Abstract, -8 Islamic, -13 Ukiyo-e, 4 Cubist, -2 Impressionist and -24 Renaissance!
Abstract art uses a visual language of form, color and line to create a composition which exists independently of what may appear to others as visual realities. Western had been underpinned by the logic of perspective and an attempt to reproduce an illusion of visible reality. It allowed the progressive thinking artists to show a different side to the world around them. By the end of the 19th century many artists felt a need to create a 'new kind of art' which would encompass the fundamental changes taking place in technology, science and philosophy. Abstract artists created art that was diverse and reflected the social and intellectual turmoil in all areas of Western culture.
People that chose abstract art as their preferred artform tend to be visionsaries. They see things in the world around them and in people that others may miss because they look beyond what is visual only with the eye. They rely on their inner thoughts and feelings in dealing with the world around them instead of on what they are told they should think and feel. They feel freed from the tendancy to be bound by traditional thought and experiences. They look more toward their own ideas and experiences than what they are told by their religious upbringing or from scientific evidence. They tend to like to prove theories themselves instead of relying on the insight or ideas of others. They are not bound by common and mundane, but like to travel and have new experiences. They value intelligence, but they also enjoy a challenge. They can be rather argumentative when they are being forced or feel as if they are being forced to conform.
June 25, 2008
beasts of dysfunction
I'm your typical good girl. The funny, quirky, nerdy, goody two shoes. Though with a good deal of sarcasm and fondness for being random. I obsess about getting the grade for my classes though I'm a bit lazy to study. I rarely get scolded by my parents. I'm too boring socially for them to worry about me getting wasted or trying out meth or some other high inducing drug. I'm too introverted to be seduced by going out with classmates I barely know and hanging out. I can hear you saying "You need a life." Hehe, not really. I like how I am and quite comfortable with my life. So what's the point then? You can already see that this is going to turn into a big, raging, hormonal rant, don't you?
No matter how perfect I desire to be I cannot ignore that I am still a beast of dysfunction. This is not a 'pity me' statement. Since it is the truth, after all. I believe that no one is perfect, not one can be. Despite push or pull, whether you devote your life to be one, perfection is just elusive that way. What I wish though is the freedom from being expected perfect. Perfection is not demanded but it is quite implied. Like a humongous dragon breathing down your neck, filling your lungs with smoke with your every inhale and possibly a crunchy meal next. I know that a lot is expected of me and my knowledge of that just annoys me.
I am the youngest child and youngest daughter in our family. Yes, those two qualifications are important. Growing up, my older sisters were already in college while I was still in grade school. I rarely saw them but I rarely failed to hear tales of their flaws or at least what grave mistakes merited a public rant from my parents. Disappointment laced their voices when they would share what my sisters did wrong. And I guess that sticks to a kid, it's one of those childhood sentiments that clung to you. I was always told, "Wag mong gayahin mga manang mo." (Don't be like your sisters). And my mind asked what exactly were my sisters? One married too early, and another didn't finish college but worked instead. I do not fault them for doing what they did. I saw them as independent people who made their own choices. I admit I was angry at my parents too, saying we were Christians but driving their children away. It did not make sense why we were that way.
I remember once when my brother and mother had a fight they both cried. I remember watching TV and having my back to them so they did not see tears on my face. My brother did not want dinner so I went to his room and lain their beside him. I did not have to look at him to know that he was crying. He was angry and hurt that they were thinking him ungrateful. He said that he did his best and he graduated from the academy for them. I did not say anything and just asked if he was going to eat. Appeasing him was unlike me when I did not want to choose sides. I love my parents and my brother, they were family. And family to me should not take sides.
I was not like my sisters, I grew up dependent on my parents. I still have the childish habit of holding on to my mom's shirt tail like a child would (although he being annoyed by it is a bonus). My father frowns when I hesitate to talk to other people as I try to shrink into myself. I believed my self to be not smart like my sisters, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not good enough. I am not like my brother, I do not have ambition. I do not have goals for my self. I do not have the initiative to do what I need to do. By being like them would I fail my parents too? By being myself would I remain mediocre?
I no longer wanted to be a child. When I was a child I was powerless, unable to voice my opinions. I experienced this when my mother told my sister to pack her things and leave our house. She was being sent away. I remembered following her to the room we shared and asking her if it was my fault she was being sent away. I told her that I would behave myself and not fight with her for the remote control if she did not leave. But she just shook her head and answered that no, it was not me but she had to leave. It was then I accepted that I could not remain a child anymore. Being a child was naive and pathetic so I grew up.
I cannot ignore the flaws and scars my family have. I tell my sister that my parents are different from their parents. They can only stand being with them for three days and no more. My parents when with my siblings turn into harsh critics which embarrasses me. This blog is not one sided, my parents are not the only ones in the wrong. A relationship is a two way street, they say. I believe that. I try and tell myself that if we weren't so self-absorbed then perhaps we could all reconcile without having to resort into having a three day countdown. Sometimes I am in the receiving end of my parent's harsh words and I admit that it still makes me feel small and weak. Whoever said words could not never harm should rot in a pit of verbal massacre. But I do not dwell in them anymore, especially when I did do something wrong. It's just so easy to cling to being hurt and angry. That just tires me out.
I will just continue to be myself, borrowing backbone from my sisters and ambition from my brother, and advice from my parents. Maybe by being me, I'll be free from being perfect. And that way I will be happy.
No matter how perfect I desire to be I cannot ignore that I am still a beast of dysfunction. This is not a 'pity me' statement. Since it is the truth, after all. I believe that no one is perfect, not one can be. Despite push or pull, whether you devote your life to be one, perfection is just elusive that way. What I wish though is the freedom from being expected perfect. Perfection is not demanded but it is quite implied. Like a humongous dragon breathing down your neck, filling your lungs with smoke with your every inhale and possibly a crunchy meal next. I know that a lot is expected of me and my knowledge of that just annoys me.
I am the youngest child and youngest daughter in our family. Yes, those two qualifications are important. Growing up, my older sisters were already in college while I was still in grade school. I rarely saw them but I rarely failed to hear tales of their flaws or at least what grave mistakes merited a public rant from my parents. Disappointment laced their voices when they would share what my sisters did wrong. And I guess that sticks to a kid, it's one of those childhood sentiments that clung to you. I was always told, "Wag mong gayahin mga manang mo." (Don't be like your sisters). And my mind asked what exactly were my sisters? One married too early, and another didn't finish college but worked instead. I do not fault them for doing what they did. I saw them as independent people who made their own choices. I admit I was angry at my parents too, saying we were Christians but driving their children away. It did not make sense why we were that way.
I remember once when my brother and mother had a fight they both cried. I remember watching TV and having my back to them so they did not see tears on my face. My brother did not want dinner so I went to his room and lain their beside him. I did not have to look at him to know that he was crying. He was angry and hurt that they were thinking him ungrateful. He said that he did his best and he graduated from the academy for them. I did not say anything and just asked if he was going to eat. Appeasing him was unlike me when I did not want to choose sides. I love my parents and my brother, they were family. And family to me should not take sides.
I was not like my sisters, I grew up dependent on my parents. I still have the childish habit of holding on to my mom's shirt tail like a child would (although he being annoyed by it is a bonus). My father frowns when I hesitate to talk to other people as I try to shrink into myself. I believed my self to be not smart like my sisters, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not good enough. I am not like my brother, I do not have ambition. I do not have goals for my self. I do not have the initiative to do what I need to do. By being like them would I fail my parents too? By being myself would I remain mediocre?
I no longer wanted to be a child. When I was a child I was powerless, unable to voice my opinions. I experienced this when my mother told my sister to pack her things and leave our house. She was being sent away. I remembered following her to the room we shared and asking her if it was my fault she was being sent away. I told her that I would behave myself and not fight with her for the remote control if she did not leave. But she just shook her head and answered that no, it was not me but she had to leave. It was then I accepted that I could not remain a child anymore. Being a child was naive and pathetic so I grew up.
I cannot ignore the flaws and scars my family have. I tell my sister that my parents are different from their parents. They can only stand being with them for three days and no more. My parents when with my siblings turn into harsh critics which embarrasses me. This blog is not one sided, my parents are not the only ones in the wrong. A relationship is a two way street, they say. I believe that. I try and tell myself that if we weren't so self-absorbed then perhaps we could all reconcile without having to resort into having a three day countdown. Sometimes I am in the receiving end of my parent's harsh words and I admit that it still makes me feel small and weak. Whoever said words could not never harm should rot in a pit of verbal massacre. But I do not dwell in them anymore, especially when I did do something wrong. It's just so easy to cling to being hurt and angry. That just tires me out.
I will just continue to be myself, borrowing backbone from my sisters and ambition from my brother, and advice from my parents. Maybe by being me, I'll be free from being perfect. And that way I will be happy.
June 12, 2008
open up the moon for you
Second week of summer class is officially over. We've finished our first exam and our first lab practical. I've finally become used to once again waking up at 6 in the morning and arriving in school early enough to chat with fellow early classmates. I bring my daily fuel of chocolate and some other snack passable as food to last me for the day. And off the day starts with my whole six hours devoted to my AP (Anatomy & Physiology) prof, with me hanging on to his every word as he lectures through the endocrine system to cat dissection. Seriously, it's like sacrificing your first born child to the witch who caught you red handed in her garden. Why did the witch have a garden anyway? For her magickal potions and poisons perhaps? But I digress.
My professor isn't boring per se, he's just on a tight schedule is all. After all covering half of our text book in five weeks is not for the feint of heart. So I can quite understand his need to bring us along up to speed. But still, it is not easy to listen to him for six hours straight. He drones on and on with occasional side stories about people he knows or read about with a medical condition pertaining to our topic. It is funny to hear about his colleague who experimented with melanin and ended up making ridiculous amount of money for creating a sex enhancer. Or about the alarming story about his friend who developed a weird problem with the pericardium covering his heart when it became calcified like egg shell. Or that a dissected turtle heart placed in a saline solution would still be able to beat for two days due to its being myogenic. Who knew, right?
That's all lecture right there. That doesn't even count lab. Our first day in lab had me up in arms of cat insides. Seriously. Our cat was pretty big and fat. His liver was freakishly huge. We have a theory that he was an alcoholic or something. Arteries are fun to learn, like really. Sarcasm, much? I'm not complaining since I'm fascinated that every cat is unique. And that just means that you and I are very much unique too. Aww. Yeah, I'm just too perky for my taste. And if you're cringing and sobbing right now about me being inhumane and mutilating kitties, stop right there. It's part of the disclaimer in our lab class that we were working on cats that were just being neglected by society. They were the ones that were unable to live in homes with people to care for them. So they were euthanized to put them out of their misery or collected in body bags from road casualties. Which is still quite sad but that's better for me than the thought of them being abused somewhere.
Today we handled sheep hearts. Should I wait for that to sink in for awhile? (Kat, you big meanie! First, cats! Now, you talk about poor sheep? How could you?!) Yeah, I feel your outrage. But before you start the rotten vegetable target practice, bear with me awhile. I'm learning to be a nurse. And I need to be able to know what I'm doing if I be one. So I need to have knowledge on real body parts and familiarize myself with the big world in organs and veins and arteries. When I graduate and you become a patient of mine, I want you to be glad that I know my stuff so you can continue on with your stuff. I'd open up the moon for people if that would save them, but I doubt there's anything to be dissected there.
So now that you know that I'm trying my hardest right now, I hope that I'll be able to know my stuff to before our second exam on monday. SIgh. So much for all that.
My professor isn't boring per se, he's just on a tight schedule is all. After all covering half of our text book in five weeks is not for the feint of heart. So I can quite understand his need to bring us along up to speed. But still, it is not easy to listen to him for six hours straight. He drones on and on with occasional side stories about people he knows or read about with a medical condition pertaining to our topic. It is funny to hear about his colleague who experimented with melanin and ended up making ridiculous amount of money for creating a sex enhancer. Or about the alarming story about his friend who developed a weird problem with the pericardium covering his heart when it became calcified like egg shell. Or that a dissected turtle heart placed in a saline solution would still be able to beat for two days due to its being myogenic. Who knew, right?
That's all lecture right there. That doesn't even count lab. Our first day in lab had me up in arms of cat insides. Seriously. Our cat was pretty big and fat. His liver was freakishly huge. We have a theory that he was an alcoholic or something. Arteries are fun to learn, like really. Sarcasm, much? I'm not complaining since I'm fascinated that every cat is unique. And that just means that you and I are very much unique too. Aww. Yeah, I'm just too perky for my taste. And if you're cringing and sobbing right now about me being inhumane and mutilating kitties, stop right there. It's part of the disclaimer in our lab class that we were working on cats that were just being neglected by society. They were the ones that were unable to live in homes with people to care for them. So they were euthanized to put them out of their misery or collected in body bags from road casualties. Which is still quite sad but that's better for me than the thought of them being abused somewhere.
Today we handled sheep hearts. Should I wait for that to sink in for awhile? (Kat, you big meanie! First, cats! Now, you talk about poor sheep? How could you?!) Yeah, I feel your outrage. But before you start the rotten vegetable target practice, bear with me awhile. I'm learning to be a nurse. And I need to be able to know what I'm doing if I be one. So I need to have knowledge on real body parts and familiarize myself with the big world in organs and veins and arteries. When I graduate and you become a patient of mine, I want you to be glad that I know my stuff so you can continue on with your stuff. I'd open up the moon for people if that would save them, but I doubt there's anything to be dissected there.
So now that you know that I'm trying my hardest right now, I hope that I'll be able to know my stuff to before our second exam on monday. SIgh. So much for all that.
May 12, 2008
to hear you say that
there's so many things i want to say. the things that i keep inside and exchange a smile instead. it's funny how as an introvert i rarely say what i want to. it annoys my sisters, or rather bothers them, i should say. when they ask me what i want, without fail i answer "just choose what you want, it's fine by me." and they ask me again what i want, i reply minutes (eternities) later. i know how to choose, i just don't choose for myself. i don't really blame anyone for that. it's my flaw that i nourished growing up. i let other people take away my power of choice. what i eat, when i eat, which dress i buy, which shoe i wear, what class i take, when i take the class, which movie to watch, and so on. you may say, but kat those are such small decisions, they don't really matter. indeed, but they matter to me.
i want to change. i don't want to rely on other people to live my life for me. i don't like living that way. it isn't because of me wanting control. it's just me wanting to be free of other people controlling me. i know that they mean well, and i know they want what's best for me but that can only go so far. if i let other people choose how i live my life, i might as well give them my life to do away with it. i am not rebelling. that's absurd. i just want to make my own choices. i just want to be able to make my own mistakes and know that they're still proud of me. not that i made a mistake but because i am my own person.
my dad wrote me an email a while ago which made me cry for some reason. he said he was proud of me for getting the grade i wanted in my classes and for learning a lot the past semester. why cry? i guess because it meant a lot to me. i made a choice the last semester to not give up until i finished. usually i'd just say i don't care anymore, que sera, sera. but this time, i decided to push myself more and refuse to back down. it was a great feeling when i finally got the grade i worked so much for. i felt so accomplished. and it made me happy that i made my parents happy. to hear them say that i did great was momentous. hopefully, it will remind me that i have the power to choose. to choose whether i want to be great or not. or whether i eat that chocolate or not. whatever.
April 01, 2008
the blame game
I had a fun day today. I went to my Micro class and wrote down lecture notes and then proceeded to the Micro lab. Thank God that I did not spill any more of my culture broth :) So I'm definitely happy about that. What's funny though is that I did not mess up this time but someone, or rather something else did. Our last incubated experiments got contaminated by a fruit fly. Yep, those little flying suckers. It had a great time gallivanting through our class' agar plates so most of our experiments had worms in them. Yes, ew. But it was bearable and we just went through lab uneventfully.
When I finally got out from lab, I sat on the bench near the Life Science building to wait for Dr. Coop for our study session. As I was waiting, I noticed a lady with a doberman and her companion a good distance from me. A few moments the healthy (obese) woman fell forward, as if in slow motion. Her companion, her dog, and I just stared at her as she fell on the ground. Huh. I just watched on impassively but felt my eyebrow raise when she yanked the dog's leash and started yelling at her dog. I watched on as she continued to scold her dog for causing her to fall. "Shame on you!" And other words of anger were issued from her mouth.
I wasn't amused but I had a smile on my face. I wasn't smiling because she fell, I was smiling because she was blaming her dog. I wanted to walk up to her, help her up and say, "Excuse me but don't blame your dog that you're fat." It's mean. But it clearly wasn't her dog's fault when she suddenly pitches forward and hurts her knee. It's a dog, it doesn't know any better. What egged me more was the fact that she was using her dog to carry her things, like a common mule or a dessert camel. I felt bad for the dog to have such an owner. This post may provoke and/or offend people and start the hating and rotten vegetables thrown at me. But what I saw was an obese woman too lazy to carry her stuff around campus, using her poor dog to carry them for her and blaming it for her own fault. I don't mind fat people, I like being fat. What I don't like is when you go and lash out at something or someone else who can't defend themselves from your attack. That's just spiteful and cowardly.
I wanted to name this post 'Don't blame the dog you're fat' but no that's not nice. The next time that happens just don't use your dog as the scapegoat and we're cool. It's easy to point our manicured fingers at someone or something else but it takes a real person to accept that the blame is theirs alone. It's not easy but it is the right thing to do. Everything else considered, my day was fun, dogblaming and all.
March 25, 2008
K is for klutziness, the kind that bites you in the ass.
This day just continues to amaze me. A tuesday that should have have been normal is acting so alien that even I am left staring at it. The day started normal as a normal day would be for me. I woke up to the ever vengeful alarm clocks, prepared for school, skipped breakfast, and drove steadily through the freeway. I was early. Maybe that's what's off.
Anyway, the lecture on genetics and biotechnology was confusing but that was understandable. Manipulating genes and usage of the products sounds something Scifi channel would air. But nonetheless, it was fascinating and not to mention part of the third lecture exam. But I digress, that wasn't the weird part at all.
Lab, now that is a different subject altogether. We began the Unknowns Lab today. Ah, my young broth culture, G157, we had fun together. I was flabbergasted. We had to do several tests to determine what our unknown bacteria were. It was like a blind date: awkward, unscripted, and cringe worthy.
I started out fine with the wet mount for the Motility test and the Streak plate. It was fun, that is until I proceeded to Gram staining, the Thioglycollate broth, and the slanted agar media. For the record, I suck at gram staining. Maybe because I'm sort of color blind that I can't distinguish red from purple. And seriously, bacillus is hard to tell from cocci and spirillum, even under Oil of the microscope. That was the start of my blind date fiasco.
It went downhill from there when I overtipped G157 and spilled some of the broth on my hands and the lab table. Contamination, much? Good thing Katie loves me enough to spray my hands and the immediate area with disinfectant. But still. Guh. Bacteria. I don't want to die due to contamination. That's just pathetically sad. I had to scrub my hands raw with soap under hot (scalding, peel your skin off, sue McDonald's and win Hot). If I were an ostrich, I would have buried my head under sand and stayed there until hell froze over twice.
But blind date isn't even over. We'll continue the date for the next week and the weeks after that. That wouldn't be a problem if I didn't spill half of my broth. Now I only have thismuch. Thismuch won't last for two more plates or tubes. This is sucky more so since I know this isn't the end of my clumsy klutziness.
Excuse me while I go bash my head repeatedly on the wall now.
October 20, 2007
Spring.
I'm just pausing in writing a lab report on membrane transport. I feel like my head will explode with the monotony of repetitive words like solution, diffusion, reagents, and unsupported hypothesis.
My arm hurts less now, not that it was hurting a lot to start with (I accidentally burned myself). But I think the burns are slowly healing, I hope so anyway. I didn't even feel pain when I burned myself... tsk tsk tsk. Ouch. Oh well. Maybe my brain was just too busy absorbing three chapters before our second Bio exam.
Speaking of Bio exams, I hope I get a higher score this time. Our professor is so hopelessly disorganized but extremely demanding. My classmates say that he's in his own universe. Funny, I think so too. He is so weird. But I appreciate his weirdness these days unlike before. But I hope that he'll be more organized. Seriously, our first lab reports we gave him early September was just returned this week, mid October. Yeah, I think that's a big time span...but who knows maybe he really is extremely busy.
Argh. I scratched my car. Idiot. Who doesn't notice a huge pole in the middle of a parking lot? Seriously. I got the car scratched when I was parking. Who does that?! Only me, I tell you. Good thing Mama didn't get mad at me. Papa reminded me that I shouldn't "move the car when unsure." Sigh, at least it wasn't worse. Thank God.
It's almost Mama's birthday. A week away from now. I still don't have a gift for her though. I don't know what to get her. Hmm...
Oh my gosh. I have issues. I've been eating chocolate since September that it's not funny anymore. Chocolate = comfort food. Maybe. But comfort food is not equal to healthy. My brain says "but it has antioxidants and stuff," yeah, I'm also going to be a diabetic if I keep at it. So I must resist!!
I have new acquaintances from class. Sounds fun. They're mostly girls. Tiana and Leean are my age. They sit next to me in lecture. Rebecca, whom I call Debbie/Becky, is my age also, maybe. She's usually my lab partner along with Tina who is slightly older, like 10 years older and married. Tina and Tiana are my study buddies. They try to study and I entertain them. Anyway, guys from my class are okay-okay. Muhammad is usually the guy who asks how I did in the test or something. Howard, the blond behind me in lecture, always or most usually asks the prof a question he can't answer. I don't know who I pity more, Howard or our disorganized prof.
Anyway, maybe this 27th Mama and I are going to the lake with her previous work pals. Dee invited us to her boat. Wow, I'll be acquainted with a large body of water. Huzzah! I miss the beach. It's almost nearing November...Mama is having her trip. Shucks, sucks to be alone but good thing I'm used to it, ne?
So this ends my blog update of my boxed life. And I'm off to make more icedtea and go back to writing that elusive lab report.
May 03, 2007
Instant Plant: Just Add Water
I'm not a plant person. Sure, I appreciate plants. I like plants of all sorts, I'm just not that dedicated to them. I can plant, water and fertilize just fine but I'm an impatient person (when it comes to plants) so I expect them to grow in a 24 hour span. I know, poor plant.
During highschool, we had gardening. It was part of our science classes. I absolutely dreaded gardening. It pained me since I knew that A LOT of plants would die under my watch (or lack thereof). That is sort of pathetic of me since my family has a farm and I grew up planting with my siblings and my dad. Thankfully, I passed my Science classes and highschool. I think my teachers pitied me or something. LOL. But thinking of the poor, defenseless plants that died due to my stupidity and impatience bothers me. *guilty conscience* I wouldn't want to tell my dad about that since I know he would be mortified to say the least.
This piece was written since I bought orange daisies today. I like daisies and the color orange. That aside, I bought a plant, didn't I? And I absolutely do not want this plant to die just because of my impatience. I really need to remind myself that plants are living things too and therefore have needs like I do. Plants DO NOT grow in a 24 hour span but it takes them days, weeks, months, and years unless they die, of course. I really need to be (MORE) patient when it comes to plants. My lolo would turn in his grave if I let this plant die. *faints*
Please plant, don't die on me.
May 02, 2007
Yosh :)
Seriously, getting a license back in the Philippines was way easier than getting one here. There are a lot scary drivers back in the Philippines but it's scarier to drive here since the police actually catch bad drivers. :) In the Philippines, you either don't get caught or get caught because of a corrupt cop. Hey, I'm not saying all cops are bad but they do exist. No offense.
I'll just have to do my best and practice driving again so I can drive myself to school. Next thing I have to do is look for a job, part-time or something like that. I need to earn money for gas and allowance and other needed necessities. Redundant but true. LOL. Growing up. I'm growing up. *hums excitedly*
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