It's March, ladies and gents, boys and girls, and any other species that have missed that calendrical change. (Yes, that is a word, I looked it up). What news do I bear? For some reason, most of the news that I have both received and imparted are more of the bad sort. I guess that's one of the reasons I have for not really posting stuff. I know that a lot of you guys already have bad news in your side and I don't want to add to that. I'm not being melodramatic (although yes, it sounds like I am). I am just stating a fact that bad news (gosh, how many times can you say that?!) is flittering and fluttering around like a pesky mosquito out to suck more of your blood.
Bad news came in the form of my grandmother (my mom's mom) had a stroke, of my aunt (my mom's older sister) who passed away from cancer complications, of my uncle (my dad's in-law) who had a mild heart attack, and other minute details that just keep snow-balling down my so-called life mountain. I guess it saddens me that the only grandparent I have is in more pain and debilitation when she should be enjoying her older years. And it saddens me that the aunt I promised to grow my hair for so that I could give it to her for a wig won't be here to experience that. I feel like I broke a promise. And I feel for my mom and her siblings since this is the first time that they lost a sibling. It's sad. As for my uncle, I feel for him and my cousins since we already lost my aunt to heart attack too. And the fact that I am studying to help people with their health isn't really helping matters right now. Even with all the progress in health care and in technology, we're still human at best. And people can still die at any moment.
This past week, it was the first time that a client passed away on our floor. It was shocking and you just have that moment of 'ah, there, life's just too fleeting'. It feels odd to still be alive when death happens. And this past week and the weeks to come, I fear for someone dear to me. I pray in my head that please, God, anyone but her. I don't know how I'll bear it if anything happened to her. It's selfish and I know that even now I am trying to suppress how I feel since I am once again not sleeping, and I haven't been focusing on my studies when I should be when I have a test tomorrow. It's different when you're the one in that situation of impending crisis; it's the calm before the storm and you can't help but wonder if anything will be left standing after the ravages of the elements. For the first time, I feel like my nightmare will come true. And the worst part is, this isn't even about me. All I can do is pray and breathe and hope to God that He'll be there to pick up the pieces that are left of me.
I know that this is vague. My feelings at the moment are just in turmoil so bear with me until I can get it all out there in a cohesive and understandable way. At this time, I can't help but think of that song from Mercy Me, "Bring the Rain", it's appropriate I think.
Bring me joy, Bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain.
No comments:
Post a Comment