Ready or Not

A new year has again began. 2008 is now. It is January once more, folks. Are we ready? It seems it's too late to ask that question now that we're starting "anew." It's silly really that I'm asking myself if I'm ready to face 2008. But in actuality, I'm just plain scared of the new year. I feel so much pressure for this coming year. And that seems a bad omen doesn't it? But no, I think everyone feels a bit of trepidation for the new year and more as we grow older and wiser, I hope. :) It' normal to feel scared and doubt. But I feel that those feelings give us the drive to prove ourselves wrong, for us to hope that there is something more for us than fear or dread. The new year won't always be new, it will be last year again next year when a new year will come. Are we ready? Are we ready to be better? To change? To learn? To take risks? For new experiences? For opportunities? We are here now because of previous "new" years, and we've come a long way. We've learned, relearned, grew, matured, and best of all, we've lived. So are we ready? Maybe it's weird to ask that question when it looks like we don't have a choice in the matter. But we do. We all have the choice. We can choose to be ready for this year or not. It's our choice. Ready or not, the new year's come. :)

nov4

It's 2.45pm. I'm waiting for 4pm so we can go and bring Mama to the airport for her flight to the Philippines. Her vacation.

I'll have the house to myself for about two weeks. I have lots to do: pay and mail bills, start her car every other day, take out the trash every Mondays and Wednesdays, retrieve the dry cleaned couch covers on Wednesday, water the plants inside and outside the house, and of course, still go to school and church. ;)

This is like the every other times in the past that I've been alone. But hey, at least this time I can go to Tita and Tito's place right across ours. I'll be sleeping in their place and go back here in the morning. And on the 12th, a holiday, I'll spend the day cleaning this house for Thanksgiving prep and finish up another lab report due on that Wednesday. I'll be procrastinating, I'm sure. So I'll be busy, keeping myself busy.

Although it makes me sad that Mama will be alone on Christmas. It makes me grit my teeth, but that's just how we are. Maybe, in a few more years I'll get used to it... Maybe. I'm too old to be crying and stuff anyway :) Yeah right. I'll never be too old. I just think sometimes, what if they're not there anymore? What would it be like without their phonecalls, emails, greetings? Or when you answer the phone expecting to hear their voice but it's someone else? Or setting up a family reunion without them in it, ever? They're no more. Just nothingness. That would suck. It bothers me.

Spring.

I'm just pausing in writing a lab report on membrane transport. I feel like my head will explode with the monotony of repetitive words like solution, diffusion, reagents, and unsupported hypothesis.

My arm hurts less now, not that it was hurting a lot to start with (I accidentally burned myself). But I think the burns are slowly healing, I hope so anyway. I didn't even feel pain when I burned myself... tsk tsk tsk. Ouch. Oh well. Maybe my brain was just too busy absorbing three chapters before our second Bio exam.

Speaking of Bio exams, I hope I get a higher score this time. Our professor is so hopelessly disorganized but extremely demanding. My classmates say that he's in his own universe. Funny, I think so too. He is so weird. But I appreciate his weirdness these days unlike before. But I hope that he'll be more organized. Seriously, our first lab reports we gave him early September was just returned this week, mid October. Yeah, I think that's a big time span...but who knows maybe he really is extremely busy.

Argh. I scratched my car. Idiot. Who doesn't notice a huge pole in the middle of a parking lot? Seriously. I got the car scratched when I was parking. Who does that?! Only me, I tell you. Good thing Mama didn't get mad at me. Papa reminded me that I shouldn't "move the car when unsure." Sigh, at least it wasn't worse. Thank God.

It's almost Mama's birthday. A week away from now. I still don't have a gift for her though. I don't know what to get her. Hmm...

Oh my gosh. I have issues. I've been eating chocolate since September that it's not funny anymore. Chocolate = comfort food. Maybe. But comfort food is not equal to healthy. My brain says "but it has antioxidants and stuff," yeah, I'm also going to be a diabetic if I keep at it. So I must resist!!

I have new acquaintances from class. Sounds fun. They're mostly girls. Tiana and Leean are my age. They sit next to me in lecture.  Rebecca, whom I call Debbie/Becky, is my age also, maybe. She's usually my lab partner along with Tina who is slightly older, like 10 years older and married. Tina and Tiana are my study buddies. They try to study and I entertain them. Anyway, guys from my class are okay-okay. Muhammad is usually the guy who asks how I did in the test or something. Howard, the blond behind me in lecture, always or most usually asks the prof a question he can't answer. I don't know who I pity more, Howard or our disorganized prof.

Anyway, maybe this 27th Mama and I are going to the lake with her previous work pals. Dee invited us to her boat. Wow, I'll be acquainted with a large body of water. Huzzah! I miss the beach. It's almost nearing November...Mama is having her trip. Shucks, sucks to be alone but good thing I'm used to it, ne?

So this ends my blog update of my boxed life. And I'm off to make more icedtea and go back to writing that elusive lab report.

You are a Winner

You're heartbroken and it hurts. I don't feel your pain but I cry with you. You don't shed your tears because you have your pride, but I know you cry when you're hidden by the doors. We all know they lie because even boys cry.

You're disappointed and it hurts. You've been expecting a lot your whole life but right now it feels like it doesn't matter anymore. Cynicism can be your new best friend. Life sucks. It's giving you lemons and it's turning everything sour. I know it doesn't make sense but life seldom does.

You're hurting right now, but you're angry too. Your life's not turning out the way you planned it to. But you shouldn't give up, not after all the problems you've been through. You're stronger than this, I know you are; I believe you are. Because in my eyes, I see that you are a winner.

You are a winner, it's certifiably broadcasted by your name: Always victorious. And I know that you've conquered a lot of things, won a lot of battles, internal ones and those everyday ones. I believe in you; that despite all the drama you're facing right now, you'll end up getting a standing ovation. I know this because you are my brother.

You, always victorious brother of mine, will get through this. Whatever 'this' you are going through at the moment. I believe this despite the fact that you seldom act your age and that you think Spongebob Squarepants is a wonderful form of entertainment. Whatever. You are still a winner, even if right now you refuse to be one. You are a winner. Why? Because I say so. Because you are.

I Believe

i believe in eating ice cream on rainy days i believe in the power of laughter XD i believe that hugs and kisses can make you feel better i believe that pleasant surprises are always welcome ;) i believe that thoughtfulness can bring a smile on one's face i believe that God answers prayers i believe that you've got a friend in me i believe in seeing the good side in life i believe in giving your best i believe that pretty nail polish can brighten up a gloomy day i believe that the invention of the 'snooze button' is a genius i believe that sugar high is equal, if not greater, than caffeine high i believe that subtitles is a must for foreign films (esp the chick flicks) i believe in the hilarity of sarcasm i believe in taking risks XoX i believe that failures and mistakes are lessons too i believe in asking questions and directions i believe that arrogance has a cure -- painful in a way i believe in honesty i believe in coloring outside the lines i believe that i can make a strawberry frappucino ~ a la starbucks i believe that combing one's hair is optional i believe that doubt comes before and after confirmation i believe that movies based from books can be disappointing (cougheragoncough) i believe that family reunions have the whole works - drama, suspense, action, comedy and awkward silences *-* i believe there's a reason why people get drunk since they seem to enjoy killer hangovers i believe in saying 'please' and 'thank you' i believe that art comes in many shapes, sizes, forms, and messes i believe like water, stick figures are universal i believe that blinking is contagious i believe that good music is good music no matter the language i believe in cuddling with cute stuffed toys i believe that having people laugh at you is better if you're laughing with them i believe in fabric softener i believe that i drive like a mad(wo)man i believe that blankets give you warm and fuzzy feelings along with a stupid grin on your face i believe in Capitalization ^_^ i believe in humor and witty conversations i believe in sharing opinions and listening to others as well i believe that God is love i believe that some day my brother will get over his spongebob phase i believe that friends are wonderful people who tend to act insane with you i believe that loving can bring smile to your lips and tears to your eyes i believe that laughter is the best medicine, along with cackling, giggling and blushing i believe that animes are not cartoons i believe in believing :)